Every time someone asks me if I have a boyfriend and I say no, I get a myriad of reactions. Some of them are ones of shocked disbelief (if I show them an alien at that moment, even then their expression would be more subtle than the one they have on their face right now), some sympathize with me and some(jerks) literally laugh out aloud, making fun of the piece of information that just hit them. But the ultimate reaction is when some of the nincompoops ask me “Why?” and “Oh that’s just not possible!”
Seriously? Do you even listen to yourself? So today, on behalf of all the single people who echo the same sentiments as mine, I am going to answer each category of these people who ask us single people the above mentioned ridiculous questions and give annoying reactions.
1. The goody two shoes sympathizing people
Okay let me get this straight. We CHOOSE to not have a girlfriend or a boyfriend. Maybe we didn’t find the right person and we don’t want to have a trophy girlfriend or a trophy boyfriend like the half of you idiots do. Maybe we are preoccupied with our dreams. Maybe we don’t like to be in relationships. Or maybe we are waiting for our prince/fairy! However unrealistic our expectation may be, please do not sympathize with us. We are not sorry for being single. Our life doesn’t revolve around someone else’s and we are quite fine with not having heart shaped stuff in our rooms. So keep shut with the “tch tch tch” sound already.
2. The ones who go BAHAHAHAHAHAH!!
A question please. What’s so funny? Is it the fact that you just realized how stupid you have been, never to realize that being single was also an option (and an awesome one too)? Or is it that you are hiding your jealousy behind your laughter, because I get to go out to movies and parties with whoever I want while you sit there with your girlfriend /boyfriend as they nag you about how you have no time for them? Or is it because I still stand a chance of awesome people asking me out, while you have a stamp on your forehead that says “Taken. Trespassers will be persecuted”? Now who’s laughing haan? You see, I don’t care if you find me being single funny. So, you go and figure out how you’re going to save up money for a Valentine’s Day gift for your girlfriend/boyfriend and I’ll just go and enjoy a cheese burst pizza with extra cheese.
3. The ultimate nincompoops
I guess I already answered your why. But if you straightaway scrolled down to the nincompoop category (because you know you’re one. Self realization is a good thing) then please read the above two points and then read the rest of it) When you say it’s not possible I am going to take it as a compliment because what I am going to hear is “You’re too smart, beautiful, intelligent, awesome, wonderful and precious to be single”.So unless that’s what you mean, don’t bother with the stupid “Oh that’s not possible!” Also,when I made it clear that I don’t have a boyfriend/girlfriend please quit being the CBI. Do go all “oooohhh you’re talking to your boyfriend haaaaaan??? (or girlfriend in case of guys)” whenever your call is on waiting, and when you do , thank your stars you’re not in front of me and I am too lazy to come to your house and box your ears. . Ever heard of the word called “Friends”? Go and google it. As for the 999 other questions that you have, keep them in your pocket and buzz off.
Then there are people who will ask me out once they know I am single. And I like those people,because at least they are doing something for themselves instead of passing crap judgments on other people’s relationship status. Hi five people! So, the next time someone tells you they are single, try not to look like a stupefied zombie.